Challenge: Upgrade Conversations With Powerful Listening
Conversations involve speaking, listening, gestures, and other subtle facets. Virtually everything we are and achieve in life involves conversation at many junctures. As we improve our conversation and communication habits, we rapidly become more focused on what matters in life and better able to lead and achieve in areas that matter.
A core of conversations, and how others see us, is quite often not how we speak, but how we listen. A good listener is one of the most sought-after conversationalists.
Listen Generously, Patiently, and Openly
In your conversations, be mindful and endeavor to listen more than you speak. Ignore the urge to think of something to say while others are talking. Postpone judgment while listening, ignore distractions, and expect insights and value from what you are hearing, even when you don’t agree.
You should mentally “hear” the period or question mark at the end of what you genuinely heard! Wait for completeness, so the speaker knows they were fully heard.
If you don’t sense any value or any aspects you agree with, you are not listening openly. When we think about an entrenched perspective or an urgent point to make, or our mind is already made up and will constantly refute or discard what we hear, as it doesn’t match what we are “certain” we know. This predisposition filters what we hear. You may be losing over 75% of what’s intended.
After listening, take a moment to compose thoughts, and then speak, clearly, politely, and succinctly only after listening and absorbing fully. When you let other people finish, and listen genuinely, you will find they repeat themselves less and are much more receptive to what you say.
Generous listening: Listen fully, don’t judge, find the value, compose your thoughts after listening, then speak clearly, respectfully, and politely.
This generous listening approach helps in everyday conversations and relationships. It also builds your baseline for the more important conversations you have.
Think About…
- What conversations are the most rewarding to you? How can you make it that way for others?
- What elements are present when you feel empowered and refreshed by a conversation?
- How could conversations where you didn’t listen generously have gone better?
Take Action…
- Practice “generous listening.” Don’t plan or speak until others finish. Do this even if this means you don’t get a chance to speak! You’ll learn new ways to get your word in.
- Add a note referencing one conversation where you applied “listening generously” each day in your journal.
“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say today will teach me anything. So, if I am going to learn, I must do it by listening.”
“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”
“Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.”
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”