Building Castles in the Mind

Do you notice how much people like their own ideas? How much they want to tell, and retell their stories? Do you notice people hold on for dear life to explanations about who they are, where they’ve been, why they’ve gotten there, and so on? Are people mainly concerned confirming their perspective, proving their “points?” 

If you pay attention, you may sense “walls” in people’s thinking. These are the places they won’t go, the ideas that don’t get considered, the contradictions that are ignored. “Wall” is just a metaphor, but you will soon see it’s not far off.

There are many reasons why we hold onto our thoughts, as though they are precious gems. We have a survival bias that suggests what we’ve done in the past works, so a change in thought or action is risky. It is also energy efficient for the brain to be idle and not rethink what we already “know.” Our sense of connectedness and community with others is built on stable shared language and beliefs.

From a neurological perspective, the brain stores information in various ways, including near instantaneous activation propensities based on potential differences in synapses, the size of the synapse terminals, the connection pattern, overall neurochemical balance, and myelination levels and patterns. The fastest mechanisms change as you integrate new information second to second. The slowest mechanisms build up over years of habit.

To make this even more insidious, we can’t directly sense or see this effect in ourselves. We are so intertwined with our own machinery, that biases, preconceived notions, hardened choices, are no longer accessible to us. It’s not that they are hidden in a subconscious box, but rather that we are the box. The walls I mentioned above are the metaphorical effect on our thinking that builds up over time.

I refer to this as building concrete walls in the mind. The bricks are made of strong beliefs, facts, choices, that we’ve grown to love. The mortar that holds the bricks together is “certainty.” At first, the rooms we build are a private castle. We still sense the shape and effects as new rooms are added and decorated. Gradually, we lose awareness of the castle and it consumes us. As this occurs, the castle becomes a cage for our thoughts, action, and life – without us even realizing it.

If we don’t inject a strong openness, fluidity, and plasticity, into our thinking approach, the slower mechanisms and habitual behavior gradually overwhelm us. This can be unwound, but you must be willing to let stuff go, and I mean really, really let go. Alternatively, preferences and propensities become habits, then automatic, then rigid, then just you.

It’s easy to assume this mainly applies to other people. We readily observe this effect in others, but rarely, if ever, in ourselves. We can plainly see differences in their actions and words, pitfalls in their thinking patterns and habits contrary to their stated choices, addiction to disempowering views of the world, and so on. The list goes on forever.

It’s easy to spot in others because it is their walls, not yours. The brain doesn’t have a “castle vs reality” buzzer. The castles we build become us and everything we observe is filtered and rationalized, automatically, keeping our castle intact. This caged thinking is extraordinarily limiting.

If you still think this effect is mostly in other people, think again. While we can shift this, we must remain ever vigilant, or today’s demolished wall will quickly be cemented into a grand foyer tomorrow. Any confidence that it doesn’t apply to you is a strong signal that it does.

Breaking Down the Walls

For many skills, we need the walls to automate our behavior. We couldn’t walk, ride a bike, or drive a car if the behavior wasn’t highly automated. These walls can be left alone, reshaped if needed, but don’t need your attention.

The walls we have built are comforting. We blame this person for that, avoid responsibility for some other reason, live every day like yesterday for yet another, and so on. While comforting in the short run, these rationalizations and limited thoughts chain down your future. The world does not reward people who live every day like yesterday.

Aside from inertia, a key reason letting go is difficult is other hidden assumptions that letting go of any particular thing evokes. For example, letting go of rationalized excuses may make you feel the weight of responsibility or blame. The concept of blame and responsibility itself needs to be loosened and replaced with something more like empowerment, ownership, and integrity.

The walls that affect our choices, interactions, and actions in life are where maximum fluidity is truly needed. When we maintain an open mind, eschew certainty, genuinely listen, consider alternatives, accept that better ideas always exist, we can gradually dissolve walls. To be most effective, we need to apply this openness very broadly, don’t let your brain think its “right” or “certain” in an absolute sense. We’ll still build new walls and have remnants of older walls, but breaking through becomes possible.

The process of dissolving, rather than building, castles is a mental habit that can last a lifetime. The challenge will always be there, but the severely limiting effects can be mitigated. The first step is fully realizing the castles we build and their power and owning what we’ve created inside. Next, stop building such strong walls but stepping away from certainty. It’s okay to make choices, okay to be confident, but always leave room for other perspectives and possibilities.

Beyond that, the habit of openness and reconsideration gradually spreads and infects your entire castle. Walls will eventually crumble with little effort when you need them to. Each time you break through, it becomes easier the next time.

Be aware that openness often evokes openness in others. Be sure to acknowledge shifts in your discussions and interactions. Also, be aware that closed perspectives are also contagious. You may go back to old habits quickly when confronted with a seemingly closed perspective. Catch yourself and make a choice to be open anyway.

Your brain will use the walls, but not be as caged and constrained. You will experience new freedom and power in every area of life. No need to rush, but do allow this to happen gradually in all areas of your life.

It’s not as onerous as it sounds, as the brain stimulation sessions do much of the work to help you dissolve walls and find new paths.

Think About…

1. What kinds of “walls” or stuck patterns do you see in other people?
2. What seeming contradiction or surprise forced you to rethink something?
3. What reasons or explanations do you give to others repeatedly?

Take Action…

1. Watch for evidence of walls in others, then sense similar walls in yourself.
2. Find a habit or strong belief and open it up, reconsider, challenge it, make new choices.
3. Make disagreement constructive, not personal. Hear other views. Change your mind, not theirs.